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Culture of blame.

Journal Entry: Thu Jan 2, 2014, 4:47 PM


I usually save topics like these for my blog (which nobody reads, and that's kind of the point :lol:), but I think that it's pertinent to dA because we see a lot of this here.

I will give you some examples.

A woman gets raped; people point out the things she did that put her at risk (skimpy dress, walking alone, provocative behaviour). A girl hits her brother; the parents point out to him the things he did that put him at risk (got into her personal space, was annoying her). And more recently, on a photo on dA of a woman who is perceived as a "sex object" in that photo, reasons offered for why she's coming across as an object instead of a person: she's looking away from the camera, she's not got much expression, she's looking too perfect, almost plastic, and so on.

Wherever you look, in today's world, you will see people making excuses for the guilty parties. In all the above examples, the real problem is with the perpetuator. In the first scenario, the problem is with the rapist. Who cares what the woman was wearing and how she was behaving? The rapist has a brain - they're not an animal, to just react to a dress. That's inexcusable. In the second scenario, the same thing can be said. Somebody can be really annoying, but we're not push buttons to just hit out when somebody presses our buttons.

And in the third scenario, the real problem is with the viewer. No matter how the subject is portrayed, the viewer is the one seeing a sex object or a fashion icon or whatever they're seeing, and failing to see the woman. It's not the woman's doing. It's not the photographer's doing. It is solely the viewer's.

We like to soften our lives. We like to turn our eyes away when there is something unpleasant in front of us. We can't face the real issue. We'd rather try to excuse the inexcusable by bringing up all sorts of reasons.

But let's not. It's 2014. It's high time we were able to look the real monsters in the face. There are no excuses for rapists, psychopaths, murderers; there is no excuse for violence, insults, ignorance.

:heart:
Exillior

Skin by SimplySilent
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:iconthemaideninblack:
TheMaidenInBlack Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014
As a victim myself, I'm partial to this kind of arguments, of course. Still, I agree with you about everything, especially about the part where people need to find excuses for the wrong way they feel about certain things or for the wrong actions they willingly decide to take.

Have my favourite emote. :iconbwavoplz:
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:iconexillior:
Exillior Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
If you think about it, if you were a total recluse and never stepped out of your bedroom, you could potentially avoid most kinds of abuse. Just because you stepped out of your room doesn't mean the problem is with you, does it? So the same thing applies here. There is something wrong with the world if you're having to stay locked up in some way to avoid harm occuring to you.

<3
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:iconthemaideninblack:
TheMaidenInBlack Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014
Indeed, I agree completely. :hmm:
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:iconcaitidyd:
caitidyd Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Student General Artist
Hey this is so legit and so personal and I thank you so much for saying this!  I am so sick of victim-blaming!

Where can I find a link to your blog (if you're comfortable sharing it) ?

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:iconworldwar-tori:
WorldWar-Tori Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014   General Artist
I love this journal!
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:iconexillior:
Exillior Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
<3
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:iconworldwar-tori:
WorldWar-Tori Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014   General Artist
:tighthug:
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:iconhalatia:
Halatia Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014  Professional Writer
Amen.
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:iconexillior:
Exillior Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:heart:
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:hug: Thank you.
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:iconexillior:
Exillior Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
There is no need to thank me for common sense! The world needs to stop being ridiculous. <3
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
That is exactly why I must thank you for common sense! You lead by example, and I'm quite sure it can be a very thankless job sometimes. SO ACCEPT MY GRATITUDE, WOMAN! Grinstare Hug 
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:iconalcoholication:
Alcoholication Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
As much as I agree with not finding reasons to lay any blame on a victim of assault etc, I can't help but think

Are we not using this victim blaming hot-button as a means to avoid responsibility for our actions?
Say what you want about how women should be able to dress as they please, and believe me, I'm right behind you.

But let's not pretend what the 'blamers' say isn't even remotely true, shall we? If we're going to act like adults about this, that is.
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:iconexillior:
Exillior Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Let me put it this way. If you were to stay locked up in your room then all three of the scenarios I listed would be safely avoided. In that sense, absolutely, everything the blamers said is true. And everything I said is true: there's something seriously wrong with the world, not you, if you have to stay locked in a cage to be safe.
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:iconalcoholication:
Alcoholication Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Well atleast we're on the same page
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:iconalcoholication:
Alcoholication Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
I should probably clarify, since this is the internet and god fucking help you if you don't.

Under no circumstances should the acts of an attacker be excused. Never should there be any consideration towards the notion that it isn't 100% their fault for perpetrating the act.

But are we really going to pretend that there's no such thing as common sense now? Are we honestly going to just say "Sure go out dressed in nothing but a thong" or "Sure get all up in that big man's face and annoy him" and pretend like there aren't going to be adverse results to that?

I'm all for the freedom to act and say and wear what we please, yes. But I'm also in favour of not getting people killed in the name of pride and sanctimonious righteousness.

Punish the perp, and never blame the victim.
But maybe don't also act like a brazen idiot just because you should be able to do so safely?
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:iconexillior:
Exillior Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
If you're going to clarify something for me to read, you shouldn't reply to your own comment, because that doesn't get to my message centre. =P

Certainly, I am very much about being safe. I wear a headscarf so I stand out wherever I am (I've never lived in Muslim countries) so I am always careful of where I'm going and what I'm doing. One has to be sensible.

What I mean with my journal is, for example, if your house was broken into, people wouldn't say it's because you had such a nice-looking house, would they? The blame would be wholly with the burglar. That doesn't mean you should leave your house with all doors open. XD
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:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Perhaps everyone is to blame? :O

People do blame for all sorts of reasons. It is quite interesting how they reason about it all. :hmm:
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:iconexillior:
Exillior Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No. Absolutely not. Somebody who was raped is never to blame for it. Yes, they could have avoided if it they'd done this or not done that - they could have avoided it by staying in their room and never stepping out - but they are never to blame for it. The rape was somebody else's action. A person must take responsibility for their own action. It can't be somebody else's responsibility, shared or not, that they did something.
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:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
So that would also apply to someone who drank more than they knew they should have, they drank so much they became unconscious and someone came along and raped them?

I agree with you that a person must take responsibility for their own action, but then these situations are not often black and white.
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:iconexillior:
Exillior Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm not sure who you mean the blame should lie with?

The blame for the rape should lie with the rapist. Seeing somebody passed out is not a reason to rape them. I mean, if you saw an unconscious person, would your normal reaction be to rape them? :slow:

The blame for being unconscious and having liver failure and a brain haemorrhage and other alcohol-related things would lie with the drunk person. To drink was a decision they made. But even if they sat themselves in front of the rapist, to rape was the latter's ultimate decision. With them lies the blame for the rape.

No situation is black and white, but an action undertaken by one person is the responsibility of that person.
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:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
That's a fair point.

What you say is fair. :nod:
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:iconexillior:
Exillior Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I try to be fair, even if I'm harsh.
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:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Sometimes harshness is needed. :nod:
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:iconginkgografix:
ginkgografix Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014
Exactly!
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:iconexillior:
Exillior Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:heart:
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:iconis-lnds:
Is-lnds Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014
ta da
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:iconpica-ae:
pica-ae Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Professional Interface Designer
:bow:
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:iconexillior:
Exillior Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:heart:
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:iconpica-ae:
pica-ae Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Professional Interface Designer
I have heard it before and it is still the sad truth. As if self-control is impossible :stare: 
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:iconexillior:
Exillior Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah. :/ If we keep the attitude that it's inevitable that people will act impulsively and that's acceptable, things will never change.
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:iconpica-ae:
pica-ae Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014  Professional Interface Designer
In an "harmless" example, you see this impulsive behaviour on social media sites: people just post EVERYTHING without a second thought whether they should or not. They don't care if it's good for them to post it or not, they just do. (Nvm that the sites encourage this behaviour, cos more post more traffice more ad money etc. / different rant for different day) But we are sort of living in a world where impulsive behaviour is accepted and yes, that is a very bad thing. Especially when it comes to conflicts, be it between two humans or between two nations… you don't want the President to be impulsive and shoot Cuba, cos he didn't care to think about consequences. 
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:iconpica-ae:
pica-ae Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Professional Interface Designer
dammnit, wrong emote :stare: I meant :worship: 
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:iconexillior:
Exillior Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:lol: It's okay, I am more comfortable with being bowed to than worshipped. :paranoid:
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:iconpica-ae:
pica-ae Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Professional Interface Designer
:giggle: But that's not what I meant :noes: 
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:iconexillior:
Exillior Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
... Did my comment appear in Times New Roman to you? :o
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:iconpica-ae:
pica-ae Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014  Professional Interface Designer
No… :paranoid: 
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:iconexillior:
Exillior Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I realised that's something the weird hospital computer was doing.
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:iconmacellawliet:
MacelLawliet Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is perfect 
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:iconexillior:
Exillior Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks. :paranoid:
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:iconladylincoln:
LadyLincoln Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
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:iconexillior:
Exillior Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
<3
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:iconzebrazebrazebra:
zebrazebrazebra Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Professional Writer
Hear hear. I don't have anything to add because it's all just goddamn common sense.
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:iconexillior:
Exillior Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Can I just say, I love when people say "hear hear" properly instead of the "here here" that people say, which makes me think of people calling their dogs. :stare:
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:iconzebrazebrazebra:
zebrazebrazebra Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Professional Writer
Oh god yes. "Here here" is my third top pet peeve, just under censorship and waterboarding.
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:iconexillior:
Exillior Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Waterboarding? :lol:
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:iconsnapperz:
Snapperz Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014   Writer
:lol: Can I just interject, how does waterboarding qualify as a pet peeve? Calling it a pet peeve makes it sound like, "Ohh, gosh darnit! There goes the CIA all waterboardin again! Let me get my shotgun..." 
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:iconzebrazebrazebra:
zebrazebrazebra Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014  Professional Writer
Haha, you know I was only joking. Actually, I approve of waterboarding wholeheartedly.
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:iconsnapperz:
Snapperz Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014   Writer
Ah. :bucktooth: My irony detector has failed me. Time for a refund. 
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:iconboxedjellyfish:
boxedjellyfish Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
With the feminist movement escalating at such a large scale, especially on the internet, so much awareness about these things are getting out and its so great!

I know girls over here in Aus. who have run rallys through their cities main streets and such, its fantastic to know that the awareness is finally getting out there about these things ((the rapist issue with blaming the girl for what she is wearing/doing, etc. especially grinds my gears and luckily, things like the 'slut walks' if you have seen them, have been spreading so much awareness about this subject)).

I have hope for 2014 and these subjects of 'blame culture'.
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